The Basement

I recently had a discussion with a buddy of mine. the discussion was unimportant, however the understanding was.

By the end of the conversation (read debate) we were still friends and smiling. So what i pose is this answer, and all opinions (and hopefully understanding) are welcome.

Let me give you a brief outline, said friend and myself were talking, and got onto a topic we did not see eye to eye on. Now this friend and myself have had many such talks over the years and know there are things we see differently so this is nothing new for us. STandard format is i present my ideas or beliefs, he presents his, i may ask a question or two about his answer, he may do the same, and then usually a few jokes are put out and we move on.

This is the realization though. We did not agree, we did debate, we were not mean, nor were we unfair. we did not push our ideas onto the other person, nor did we force a point of view. it was openly discussed, mental notes taken, and then life moves on, quite happily, and with a big grin (and a few more jokes)

Most people i have met over the years do not get this.

I am a blunt guy, it ell you things i think, mean, or believe bluntly. However i try to do it with respect, tact, and usually a joke to make it not seem so serious. Many people (and even Jess has done this many o times, but she is getting much better) will argue and argue and keep throwing out their reason after reason why you are wrong.

does it matter? if you have not swayed my beliefs with yoru reason the first 5 times, will it really change me if you say it in another way or another context? no, it most likely will not.

it took me a while to learn that i cannot help everyone, and i cannot make everyone see things my way. But it took me even longer to realize that people don’t need to see things my way, they just have to understand what i am saying like i understand them, and all is fine.

I think the measure of a good friends, or the best of friends, are people you can do these things with. I think it is also something that humanity has lost over the years. We are too bitter when someone does not see our vision. we feel threatened, defensive, and even can be snide and harsh in our responses. We lash out, say sly remarks meaning hurt but saying them as just being “sarcastic” or “funny”. Where did the measure of respect go that we had as humans, and why didn’t anyone close the window we just flung it out of? We need to stop that.

One thing I want everyone to do after they read this is think about yourself, from another person’s perspective. Are you that guy who forces opinions? Are you that guy who says the same things over and over to prove a point? Do you have ay of the non-tactful faults of discussion? Maybe you should learn to change to have better social interaction experiences?

At least, that’s what i think? agree? disagree? I’m curious to hear.