The Basement

So to speak.

I guess it really finally sets in on this whole wedding thing when you have your Bachelor party.  It is, in many ways, the last Hurrah.   Yes there will be bar nights out with the guys, yes there will still be parties, but somehow now they are different.  It’s not about talking to people in the bar so much anymore.  Making friends with the cute waitress, seeing if the girls at the bar wanna flirt or just look at you funny, or making asses of yourselves just because you can.  It’s different now.  Now it’s about seeing friends and bullshitting, just being out of the house for a time, hell it may even be about getting together with couples you don’t get to see as much as you wanted to.  It does change the whole perspective on the Bar Night Out mentality, and also flowing off of that, it now seems that the only times you get to “relive” that oldest of memories, is someone else’s bachelor party.

It is an interesting thought, and maybe it’s just me delving to much into the social side of it.  Regardless, it is how i feel and percieve things,and it also has struck home the idea of being married.

It also made me realize how happy i am, and how silly i was.  Before we go much further, this is not about regret.  I did things, silly or not, but all of that has helped me to become the innovative, introspective person i am today.  It has shaped many things in my life, not just my decision making process.  Friends have come and gone, but their conversations still resonate within.  Names and faces are but a blur, but the emotional or mental impact is still alive and well.  All of these things make me who i am today, better or worse, and i would not trade them for anything.

So moving along, it makes the wedding seem more real, more finite.  It also in many ways hardens my resolve to make it through the tough times, because who wants to go back into the world of the unknown?

Which brings me to my final revelation for the day.  People have forgotten how to try and work for things.  People (and by this i am making a generality, don;t get bitchy) are used to having things handed to them.  People are used to having a quick answer or an easy way out.  But that is not true with marriage.  Marriage is a combining of life, and within the complex nature of that, it is a breeding ground for problems.  Some small, some large, but all a factor.  What i am talking about though is the mentality of quitting.  You guys argue alot?  find a common reason why.  You don’t like to be int eh same room?  well why is that?  do you communicate? do you compromise?  are you thinking you’re compromising but is your partner?

There are so many things people don’t think about when they propose to a person that, in many ways i have.  Granted i have had my fair share of troubles with my mate, but we have worked long and hard to get into a better position of understanding with each other to lessen those times.  Yes stress is always there, but it’s the openness, and the ability to communicate and work through that is the winner int eh end.  Not all couples can do that, and i do understand that.  But most who split, can, but just didn’t want to.  By doing it they also test themselves up for it to happen again and again.  Granted this is not always true, but more often then not it is.  They think that the reasons or stressors of the first relationship are the limit, and when they are reached again, they need to leave again.  But what are they really learning? what are they really doing to make their relationships better? nothing!

So the next time you have a spat, argument, discussion, whatever with your mate, remember these two things.  In the end, we came to compromise that made us both happy, and also that now, we are a better stronger couple for it.

Here is to putting in work and not being a statistic, here is to going the long distance and not taking the shortcut, and lastly, here is to doing things old fashioned and being proud of the labor and intensity, even if it is not understood by everyone. That my friends is life, and the reality of things, and is all the more reason you need to instill a good work ethic and a no-quit attitude in each new generation, just like it was attempted to be instilled in ours.